Are you out of work?

Artwork Rights of Traverse Jurcisin-do not reprint

I haven't written a blog installment in almost two years... I stopped writing my Examiner column... and I have not had a steady paycheck in 32 months.  I have been devoting what I consider almost all of my energy to the pursuit of finding income.  I have been in deep examination of my life, my life's work and my own personal worth.  I am in significant credit card debt.

I have had many moments where I have thought the same thoughts as my clients of the past, "I am too old," "I am overqualified," "I am under-qualified," "No one wants me," "I don't have this or that..." "If this too shall pass, will it take me with it?"  I have to say, what a humbling experience for a "go to" employment expert to have.  Grossly humble.

Now if I have managed to keep you engaged enough after that horrible declaration of "reality," and if you too can relate at all... the following are beliefs I have put to the test about work even as those beliefs have been sorely challenged.  Let me know your own thoughts on the matter... I would love to hear them and see if they warrant addition to the list!

1) It is important to Know Yourself even though a sense of self can very much be a moving target, in the midst of this kind of change.

2) It is necessary to Explore what has "Called" you to the change you are experiencing... and I mean the hard stuff people, not just commonly accepted mythology like the control that an "other" supposedly has over us (like the woman behind the cherry desk for me).

3) It is critical to Know what Rules you... is it time for the present power to be replaced or is still something you will stand by money or no money?

4) It is a time to Discover who your people truly are... where do you belong, what is the shared interests, and most importantly, values that are held sacred by you and by them?  And this one can be very deceptive, it requires courage to dig, to explore and to have conversation about.  Do not take this for granted. "Your people" are not automatically your friends and family, they are your larger family and sometimes they really won't look like friends but they are the people you will be side by side in the adventure... they will have your back because they need/want you like you need/want them.

5) You will spend a significant amount of time with those that you choose to be in ACTION with... so you will want to also BE who you are, with them because YOU feel free enough to do so, not because they give you permission.

I have been on this journey, just like anyone I have coached and consulted.  I have believed I have known about this stuff for a while but now I REALLY feel it, which I believe has given me something of great value to offer to those on a similar journey.

More to come...


Mary

Power, part 2 or, then what happened?

So, what happened after I stopped the primal urge to throw a brick through someones window, or wallop those associated someones heads with a two by four?

I dealt with the fact that I was terrified.  I dealt with the fact that I had little else to depend on, but a lot depending on me.  Yeah, I was a firework all right, apparently the kind that the woman behind the desk didn't quite admire. 

So what was there left to do? 

I had to put my money, or lack there of, where my mouth was.  I began to feel what waste was, and decided not to, as it became quickly apparent that I mindlessly had done quite a bit.  I began washing plastic bags out, instead of throwing them away.  I began shopping only for food we would use.  I cooked and I  maintained me, even if nothing else, because without me, none of it would really matter. 

I began to feel what poverty felt like.  There is terror in that, and shame.  But then you can begin to just feel, what the " !@#%," but to be honest, that is only if you can feasibly think there will be a safe place to sleep at night.  I began to appreciate "nothing else to lose." I began looking around, saying a possible good bye to all that I had acquired.  It was clear that I worked hard and long to acquire. 

Then I decided, now that I have nothing to lose, jeez I was glad I had good credit, I could breathe for a little while on that while I tried to solve this dilemma.  I didn't have much saved for any retirement that I might someday need to do, but I am also glad I had that.  Let that be a lesson to you young people... put some kind of safety net somewhere, it can help one day to keep some semblance of your sanity.  And then there comes the fact that the credit balance needs to be paid, and the fact that there is a limit, even if it is only the credit card company's. 

It has been somewhat comical to me that the people in my life might be worried about me, but, they had no real better ideas, than I look like I have!  This is funny, because I always seem to have some kind of ideas about everything!  I really would find myself useful to myself right about now...

So, "What happened next Mary?"  More next week peeps.

Where have I been?

      More than two seasons have passed, because it has been eight months since last I visited this blog space... I left you all with a tale considering power.  My last words hung on the realities of expressed violence and retribution as I understood how it could happen. 

     I have much to tell you about the journey of these last eight months, some of which you may have read on my examiner.com page as a career coach examiner.  Those pages however, are intended to be written in third person, where here, I can be more up front and personal.  So I decided to check in and let you know that I will continue with the story. 

     I believe, if you can't share the story, and all you've learned, it doesn't make the pain dissipate.  It doesn't make use of the strength that is acquired, or the healing that can be had if it is hoarded and kept private.  Sharing the journey helps another, it helps the community and I know, it ultimately helps the planet, as long as we don't get stuck there.

     I don't know what kind of schedule I will commit to with this just yet, because I am revisiting my personal goals as I continue to build my work life enough to open the floodgates on much needed revenue.  My interim goal is to write weekly here, instead of in my journal and use this forum to work on my examiner.com topics.

See you soon.

Mary

Power, part 1

Power....

Take a minute to feel, not just read, as I ask the following questions...

How do you feel when you have power?  How does it feel to you, to not?  How does it feel when you believe power has been taken from you?  What happens in your mind, body, spirit?  In what ways do you allow the depletion of your power?  Stay with this feeling for a moment, talk about it with someone or, write about it before you move ahead... 

Now what about when you attempt to take some one's power or diminish it?  You might say, "I don't do that!"  But when is the last time you gossiped, critiqued, judged, or engaged in a clique?  When and how have you not been inclusive?  What about the times that you felt assuredly justified, like toward others who have inflicted harm or broken the law?  How do you justify their exclusion and the understandable diminishing of their power?  Now, how does this feel to your mind, body and spirit?  Take some time with this feeling for a moment, talk about it with someone, write about it before you move ahead... 

How many times have you contorted yourself into places you don't fit just to try and get a piece of control (job interviews come to mind...)?  And when have you persecuted others that don't fit into your image of what is supposed to be, to get a little superiority over someone else (politics come to mind...)?  We fight, we manipulate, and we war.  Someone who has more power has control, less power, less control... around and around and around we go where we stop, nobody knows.  With change so necessary to the cessation of our and our planets destruction, the subject of the power of control cannot go unaddressed. 

   

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Once upon a time I thought I was doing a good job when I approached the supervisor's closed door, the meeting was set to discuss a subject I long had requested to be addressed, so I was in happy anticipation.  There she sat behind her over sized cherry desk with a short legged chair vacant in front of it.  My presence was requested but the actual subject matter was concealed.  I consequently was caught off guard and felt ambushed because the topic sure was not what i was prepared for.  Prior to this day there was not a word of displeasure or conflict spoken, no dialogue or discussion on problem solving, on this particular day however, the subject vacillated between, "not fulfilling your contract," to "your style is not mine," to "don't have to have a reason as you are under contract and we have made a decision," to "we are terminating your contract." 

I felt my power draining away under their immediate control over my life and ability to provide for my family.  My blood pressure amped by the flood of adrenalin caused by the primitive threat to my survival.  I kept fairly silent in freeze because it was apparent they were not beyond stripping me of any control I may have, even though the urge to war, or run, pushed up against the edges of my rational thinking.  This happens all the time in business, I have heard about and dealt with the survivors.  The resource of humans are treated as expendable objects that house power to be siphoned off and used elsewhere.  "Just business," right?  This time it was happening to me, so the rational thinking I coach so many to achieve was not so easy.  So sure, I was absolutely enraged, the thoughts that came to my mind put me in the league of the disgruntled, who hadn't stopped themselves from expressing that behind a trigger of a gun, or the force behind a physical blow.  But... I have dedicated my life to change and healing, inclusion and integrity and peace, so now what?  Sure I was angry and what it inspired in me was a want to act on my rage and the feelings of being victimized, disregarded and disrespected. 

Was I really going to make change by returning the same energy back to them in a revenge filled volley?  

Mary can be reached at www.realaspect.com or www.facebook.com/realaspect.  Please join her next week for Power part 2.